Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
