You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
