i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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