he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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