There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
