guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
