I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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