Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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