Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
