so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
