Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
