i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
