You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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