If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There's always time for handjobs
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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