I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
did you just send me my own nude
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
