I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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