and she was petting her beer can
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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