Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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