This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
