fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
