He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
