Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
