Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
MIDGETS
????
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
