Plan B is the new Plan A
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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