she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
