I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
