Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
