I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
