Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
