The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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