i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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