Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
