She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
