Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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