you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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