guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
