Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
