Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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