He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
