Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
