I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
