So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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