Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
