you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
