I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
