you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
