youre lurking in front of me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
