I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
