Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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