would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he thought i was a dude.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
